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Stop talking about your negative traits. The more you concentrate on them, the more they hang on. What we put our attention to is what multiplies in our lives. Instead of criticizing, look for things you like about yourself. If you have actual limitations you can’t do anything about, then you need to accept them. The things most of us complain about are the things we can do something about. If you feel you are too short or too tall, there is nothing you can do about that. You might as well learn to look at the advantages of being short or tall.
I saw Michael J. Fox interviewed on television early in his career. The interviewer asked Michael how he felt about being so short, just 5 feet, 4 inches. Michael became animated and shared how he has always seen his size as an advantage! Most of us know someone with a “Napoleonic Complex” or feelings of inadequacy directly related to being short. Those people usually try to compensate by driving big cars, having big desks, or acting just plain nasty. Instead, Michael J. Fox was proud of his height and shared how much he enjoys being smaller. He said when he was younger, his family got locked out of the house and he was the one who could squeeze through the basement window to let everyone in. He has embraced a characteristic over which he has no control.
Who told you life was going to be easy? There are lots of troubles, irritations, and pains in life. Things happen. Things go wrong. People don’t always do what we want them to. Don’t depend on other people for your happiness. Depend on yourself. Be who you are. Do the things you want to do. Get for yourself the things you want to have. Don’t wait for someone else to be it, do it, or get it for you. The only places you will find knights in shining armor on white horses are in shows on the Las Vegas Strip and in old black-and-white movies. No one is going to ride up and save you. Take care of your own needs. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. The Bible says “to love thy neighbor as thyself.” It doesn’t say “instead of thyself.” This is called self-reliance. Learn the difference between wishing, hoping, and desiring. Desire is a motivating force. When you desire something enough and back it up with hard work, you will make it come alive in your life.
Successful people understand there is a price to pay for achieving success. Sometimes this involves making sacrifices in order to reach your goals. My dad used to remind me often, “People are successful because they do the things failures don’t like and are not willing to do. Successful people take full responsibility for finding their own path to achievement.”
Many set backs are foreseeable. If we take the time to think about what possible obstacles will come up, we can be prepared to take alternative action. Be prepared by asking yourself, “How would I handle this situation if I run into a roadblock or if an emergency occurs?” No matter what your situation, you can make your journey easier if you prepare yourself by exploring the alternative routes in advance.
Do you have any childhood dreams that remain unfulfilled or any cities that you have always wanted to see, but never visited? Consider all the material things you want, the lifestyle you desire, the places you would like to go, or things you would like to do and incorporate them into your goals. What is important to you? What are your most important values? When do you feel most needed and appreciated? What do you love to do? What gets you excited? What would you like your tombstone to say?
I remember the day my dad had me sit down at the kitchen table and asked me that question: “What would you like your tombstone to say?” My first thought was, “What have I done now to make him want to kill me?” It wasn’t anything I had done. He wanted me to write down how I would like to be remembered and to put that piece of paper in my wallet and a copy on my bathroom mirror. He said, “If you will always hold this thought in the forefront of your mind, it will be like a compass, always keeping you on your true path in life. It will make your choices easier, because you will always remember where you want to go and not choose to take detours that present themselves disguised as opportunities.” He elaborated, “The grass often looks greener somewhere else, but it doesn’t matter how green the grass is, if it’s not located where we want to go.”
Write down your goals.
Set definite goals for things you want to have and to do. Write down that dream you have been carrying around in your head. Don’t believe any desire is too great or out-of-reach. Be descriptive. Writing down your goals will help you acknowledge them, commit to them, and then act on them. When you put your goals in writing, add every detail. Describe your new home’s square footage and its location. Write down the length and name of that new boat you’ve always wanted. Finally, use positive phrases. Instead of “I want a new home” write “I will be enjoying my new beach house by . . . (write in a specific date).
Goal-setting is what we do for ourselves.
Be honest with yourself. Don’t write down things you think you should want. Don’t write down things other people have told you to want. Goal-setting is not something we do to please others. Write down only what you want. You will spend a lot of time achieving your goal, so make it meaningful and fun. Then write down what you are willing to do to get it.
Attitude is an outward expression of your inner feelings. It’s your passion – and it is also a habit! How you speak and act every day becomes so much a part of you that it is automatic. That’s what a habit is – something you do without thinking about it. You know people who come into the room almost every day saying, “I’m just not a morning person.” Have you ever noticed these people aren’t usually afternoon people either?
Our thoughts are creating our feelings – our passion. Our feelings in turn are driving our behavior. Our behavior brings about the results or lack of results we have in our lives. How we think, what we believe, and the energy, enthusiasm, and passion with which we approach our lives play a major role in our success.
Have you ever had a great idea only to have some naysayer say something along the lines of “It won’t work. We’ve never done it that way.” If so, don’t let those people discourage you. Say something along the lines of “Well, let’s give it a try anyway and see if we can find a way.” Most of us hear about 5 negative statements an hour. These statements could be made by someone else but about 70% of them come out of our own mouths. “I’m so dumb. I’m so ignorant. I don’t know why I even tried. Bad things always happen to me. I hate this traffic. My hair is a mess.” Sound familiar? Start saying positive things to yourself. It takes about fourteen positive statements to overcome the effects of one negative statement. So let’s do the numbers. Five negative statements an hour add up to more than 1,000 negatives a month. You’d better get busy putting some positives into your passion real quick. You need to take the responsibility to give yourself a positive mental attitude so you can stay motivated and on track to reach your full potential.
You have control over the kind of messages that are being programmed into your subconscious. Of course, any additional motivation you get from others is great too, but you shouldn’t be dependent upon it. You are leading the way for your own success. Practice giving yourself praise, compliments, and “atta boys” whenever you can. Every time you think something negative like, “I’m so clumsy” or “I’m so fat,” stop and remind yourself that you are successful, that you can walk down the street without tripping most of the time, and that you are a kind person. Break the habit of telling yourself all the bad things about you. There are plenty of other people who are ready and willing to do that for you. Be your own cheerleader – the one person in your life who loves you no matter what! Say to yourself, “I’m intelligent. I’m kind. People like me. I’m effective. I look good. I smell good.”
Make a habit of being your own cheerleader. Every day – throughout the day – find a moment and tell yourself something good!
If you are to live a life filled with passion, you must take care of yourself, give yourself permission to be you – with all your strengths and all your weaknesses. There’s a little voice inside of each of us that sometimes says, “What about me?” You have to take care of yourself if you are to be excited about your life. If you want other people to be excited, you have to be excited first.
Let’s face it, life is not always easy, and for some people, depression very often takes over. We get depressed when we are discouraged or disappointed in ourselves or our lives. We start to feel as though we can’t live up to the expectations of others . . . or even our own expectations.
We feel inadequate to handle what needs to be handled, to do what needs to be done, or to be what we think we should be. The attempt to live up to these expectations can be both a cause of low self-esteem and an effect of low self-esteem. It can even lead to overindulgence in food, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, or sex in an attempt to satisfy some need we have to make ourselves feel better in some way, or to dull the pain we are feeling. Ironically, this overindulgence simply adds to our feelings of worthlessness. We criticize ourselves for being weak and indulging in unhealthy practices. This self-criticism feeds the depression even more. It’s a vicious cycle.
People who are depressed sometimes try to escape . . . from themselves and from the world. I knew a young woman some years ago who used sleeping pills to “escape” from the difficulties she was having. Her situation became worse because she couldn’t or wouldn’t face her realities. Eventually, she had to be hospitalized. At one point, she wouldn’t even comb her hair. Because she got professional help, today she is a fully functioning executive with a happy personal relationship and two well-adjusted adult children.
If you are caught up in depression, get some therapy right away. Severe depression can develop into self-hate, self-rejection, and a desire to end your own life, possibly even the reality of acting on that desire. This is not how you should live. Your life experience should be a wonderful journey, full of joy and excitement. Get professional help now, so you can get back to yourself, the self you know you can be . . . a person with a purpose and passion for living.
